22 Crossroads, May 1st, 2011

Caro

I am afraid. Once again, I’m at a crossroads, and this is a huge one. Which road am I supposed to take? How long until I figure out it was the wrong turn? I would really love to take my time, but the system doesn’t work this way. Today, I have to choose the topic of my Bachelor’s thesis. No pressure at all, right? Tomorrow, I’ll meet with my professor to finalize it. Five weeks from now, I have a final oral examination in my major. Ten weeks from now, I should hand in my thesis. Twelve weeks from now, I have finals in my minor. And then I’m done, I graduated. The thing is: while life goes on and all these deadlines keep approaching, there are more important deadlines coming up: the ones for my master’s applications.

At this point, I have singled out about 20 universities because I can’t decide. Sure, some of these universities might reject me and thus make my decision easier. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know where I’ll end up. I don’t even know which country I will live in, come September. And life has taught me that, apart from my family, I don’t know for sure who will be there for me, and this scares the hell out of me…

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